Gentleness & Tenderness

One of my favorite views from Spirit Fire Meditative Retreat Center in Leyden, MA

I was blessed with the opportunity to spend 5ish days last weekend with an amazing group of soulful, heart-centered people in the foothills of beautiful Massachusetts, which left me feeling nourished, nurtured, grounded, and loved up.  Being in that environment for a few days, where the trees were lush, the flowers were blooming, and the food was delectable, allowed the time for the boundaries and walls (put up in order to survive city streets and subway cars) to fall away as I was invited to turn inward during meditation and energy work.

Bridge of Flowers, Shelburne Falls, MA

What I found was that my heart needed a little attention and work.  A little lovin'.  A little huggin'.  A little cradling comfort.

Image from Journey of Love by visionary artist Rassouli

So many of us are caregivers and hard workers.  In a world that is so faced paced and go, go, go, push, push, push, achieve, succeed…….. I know I forget to honor my heart need.

And it felt so relieving and comforting to be granted permission to be gentle and tender with myself.  I realize I don't need permission from anyone to love myself, but being reminded was something I needed in this growing moment.  A reminder that it's okay to rest when I feel tired.  To do things that fill me with joy and pleasure, like watch the sunset, buy fresh flowers, or call a dear friend.  To ask myself, is this kind?  Is this gentle?  

And the same is true for you.  In case you need to be reassured that it's not selfish of you, I invite you to be kind and loving to yourself.

Point to ponder: (in your journal if you feel so inspired!) what types of things bring you joy?  What is one simple thing you can do TODAY that would show kindness to yourself?  Maybe it's taking a break to read a few pages of your favorite pleasure-reading book…or taking a hot bubble bath…or savoring a small piece of decadent chocolate totally guilt-free….. 
You know you best…. do you! 

One of my pleasures: having burgers for lunch with my brother! 

Wild Woman-ing: Finding My Net

Yesterday, I returned home from a weekend on a mountain in the Berkshires and, whilst I'm still basking in the glow, I have been struggling to put the magical time into words.  I realize an experience like that is one of those "I guess you had to be there" experiences and, yet, I feel like paying tribute to it is important.

Going into the weekend, I was confronting a lot of fear.  During the opening yoga session, I could feel myself slipping into anxiety…. "Did I pack the right clothes?  Will any of the women like me?  I should've practiced more yoga and meditation before coming.  What if no one is interested in my booth at the fair?  I should've gone shopping for new yoga pants!  A cabin with no electricity?!  What if it's crawling with SPIDERS?!  I am stuck here for four days with no way off the mountain….Am I going to be able to survive this weekend?!?!"

The beauty of "retreating" is that as I settled into the safe, sacred, judgement free space created by the group of women (who were probably also confronting their own fears), I started to quiet that inner critic mind, began to travel within, and allowed the voice of my inner wisdom to come forth.   Surrendering to each moment on the mountain, I felt cradled and rooted into Mama Earth, inspired and guided by Divine Moon, nurtured and loved up by my new tribe of wild women.  Setting intentions in circle the first night, I decided to allow The Unfolding, whatever that meant.

Created by Chris Maddox of The WILD Woman Project

And as the weekend passed, there was unplugging, dancing, crying, laughing, singing, stretching, moving, searching, quieting, hugging, twirling, creating, bonfire-ing, eating, chatting, chocolate-devouring, resting, sharing, sleeping, dreaming, filling, releasing, discovering, connecting, nurturing, nourishing, healing.

Unfolding. 

By the end, my heart and womb had been replenished with breath, energy, and deep love from a collective of women, from nature, and, perhaps most importantly, from myself.  As I had intended in my previous blog post, I jumped into the abyss and found my net.  And what a beautiful thing that is.

And it is my wish and blessing that everyone have the opportunity once in a while to retreat in a safe and sacred space where their inner wild be let loose, honored, and surrounded by love.  

PS: Retreats don't need to be extravagant.  Here's a brilliant article with some ideas of how to do a stay-at-home retreat written by Sara Avant Stover over at her site Way of the Happy Woman. 

Jumping Into the Abyss of Infinite Possibility

"Leap and the net will appear." -John Burroughs

The Abyss!!

I'm a perfectionist.  
Chronically waiting for the perfect time.  (To read more inspiration on that, read this excellent article from Precision Nutrition!)

Perfectionism can be a blessing when I don't feel like going to the gym but I wouldn't be able to stand seeing a blank spot on my weight lifting program excel sheet.  That motivation has gotten me to workout consistently three times a week for the past 7 months.  But most of the time, my perfectionism holds me back and keeps me stuck.  It inspires me to procrastinate: oh I can wait to do that until I'm more knowledgable, thinner, fitter, older, wiser, etc.  It holds me stuck in fear of failure or change or not being "put together".  

And so, despite all of that, I'm jumping this time.  I'm following through with my New Years intention of "just do it".  The key word being: DO.  Yesterday was my last day at my current day job and today I leave for a mountain in upstate New York to do some "wild-womaning" (more on that when I get back!).  I'm leaping and trusting that the net will appear and bounce me to the next place of growth.  What an exciting ride into the great unknown of possibility!!

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." -Lao Tsu