Follies of the Fool

A few weeks ago, with the anticipation of April Fools Day, I was scheming up tricks I could play on my social media networks.  Faking that I was pregnant, announcing I was engaged, proclaiming a move to Australia…. thinking such silly ideas, I began to reminisce fondly about April Fools past.  

When my dad was alive, April Fools Day was a bit of a tradish…. a holiday we would warily and excitedly await with a mix of dread and mischief knowing that by days end we would be left with the result of some epic stories to share once we'd survived the day.  Not disappointing us, my dad would go all out: giving us trick gum that colored our teeth red, strategically placing fake ants along the wall by the coffeepot that looked real from sleepy eyes first thing in the morning and sans glasses for the nearsighted members of the family, moving the position of our beds while we were sleeping in them, hitting the spare garage door opener from inside the house as my mom was attempting to leave in her car, hiding a stink bomb sneakily under the toilet seat that caught the unsuspecting victim in a cloud of rotten egg stench.  He even went so far one year to set all the clocks in the house ahead one hour and calling my mom on his lunch break at the "usual" time so as not to have us suspecting until the moment my mom thought she'd be late for a girlfriends' date.

I'll be honest: I HATE getting tricked.  Walking around being on your toes with a sense of dread while tentatively moving through the day as if someone where going to pop out at any moment and say "boo" is not my idea of fun.  I'm gullible, jumpy, and easily taken by surprise.  Practical jokes and pranks are the bane of my existence.  But as I was thinking back, my dad was never malicious in his attempts.  He never meant to cause harm or lingering damage to the psyche.  It was playful.  Fun.  A witty game to bring some excitement to an otherwise normal boring day.  And actually we loved to regale all the tales of woe to our extended family after the fact (no damage was done!).  Which got me wondering…. perhaps there is something deeper and meaningful about this silly holiday.  Which inspired me to reflect on April's FOOL.  The Fool.  What about the essence and character of the fool can we take away and use as a greater lesson in our lives?

Image: "Golden Rain" by Victor Nizovtsev

Image: "Golden Rain" by Victor Nizovtsev

In order to learn more about this archetype, I reached out to my friend and fellow healing artist Elyse Jolley (check out her work here.  She's a gem!).  Elyse has done extensive work with the archetypes in her theatre work, using song, journeys, breath, and movement to explore characters and she was able to enlighten me about our glorious fool.

The fool, she says, is unpredictable, entertaining, intelligent, shrewd, witty, deceptive, manipulative, pleasing, eloquent, gracefully clumsy, charming, and playful.  In many of the stories and locations where the fool (also known as the "trickster") shows up, he is a commoner, a servant, poor.  Dressed in rags or peasant clothes, he relates to the common man.  With a witty intelligence and clever thinking, his strengths lie in the mental mind, putting on a show, playing off of others, and keeping things light instead of too precious.  Through juggling, storytelling, practical jokes, acrobatics, songs, satire, and quick response, the court jester performs to please the audience; reading them and using creativity to give them what they need.  In Shakespeare, the role of the fool could play to both worlds in terms of social standing by speaking to the level of the higher class while making the groundlings roll over in laughter with physical comedy. 

The fool's game is a Simon Says-esque "maybe!… maybe not!" type game that Elyse says is really fun to play because its a mysterious, dodging, playful energy that is constantly moving and shifting directions in a zig zag of ways.   Or, on the other end of the spectrum, the fool energy can be completely still outwardly whilst the scheming and plotting mind is whirling and ready to jump into action in a moments notice.  Light on the toes and never linear in a straight line, the fool never gets stuck in a pattern, is never the underdog, and is always a survivor.   

Elyse also shared that in the tarot, the fool is "walking to the brink of a precipice carrying a satchel of possessions which symbolize the untapped collective knowledge that he is bringing with him.  Courageously stepping out into something blindly, yet willingly, with courage and trust that the unbridled awakening within the satchel will be of aide". 

So the fool brings to us this example of playfulness, curiosity, adventure, courage, trust.  Do any of the characteristics of the fool resonate with you?  Where might we need to call on these energies to infuse certain areas of our lives with this spritely and brave energy?  After the cold hibernation time of winter, do you feel stuck in a pattern or a rut?  Where have we gotten too serious and need a little more light-hearted, playful energy?  Where can you bring in your creativity to create the life you want to live?  Where might some tricks come in handy in mixing things up and bringing inspiration to cleaning out for spring?

I'll share that, for me, I think April's fool and the memories of my dad are here to teach me to bring more pleasure and play into my life, especially into my business and healing work.  I have a tendency to take things really seriously and I allow stress and worry to cloud my vision.  Bringing a bit of fun to the tasks on my to-do list, reveling in the sweetness of life, and really enjoying the creation process as I'm growing, healing, and nurturing my projects, rather than being focused on the end result, will help me to feel free and joyful in the day to day.  It's a journey after all and I'm ready to leap off the edge of the precipice into April with trust and courage and bravery.  No tricks about that! 

I'd love to hear from you - send me a note or a comment below!

Light, love, and lots of foolish energy to you on this April Fools Day! 

 

Creativity + Cooking…and a recipe

Let's talk about food sensitivities and allergies for a moment.  There is some heated debate about whether they are real or just a hot new fad, particularly in regards to gluten.  I'd love to discuss this with science and nutrition theories, cause there's a lot of information out there (another blog post fo'shizzle!), but for now, I'd like to share what I know is true for me: 

Some foods after eating them, make me feel lethargic, bloated, gassy, and I'm pretty sure cause my skin to breakout.  When I don't eat these foods (namely gluten, dairy, corn, and sadly maybe chocolate… wahhhhhh!), my blood sugars are awesome, I have regular bowel movements (poop talk is important in health conversations!), and I feel nourished.  I don't get hives or need an epi pen when I eat these things I suspect my body can't tolerate, so it's not a full-blown allergy, but there is not a doubt that being constipated and bloated is really the pits.  So, I'd prefer to cut them out of my meals because I want to feel light, energetic, satisfied, and have clear skin on the regular.  

But, this also brings in a very clear picture of how much emotion we attach to food (hence, the term "emotional eating").  I LOVE DAIRY.  Cheese, yogurt, cream in my coffee.  I love it all.  Chocolate is my favorite comfort food, especially around my moon cycle, and there is a little feeling of loss when deciding to cut out my favorites.  A little grieving for my favorite childhood comfort foods.  And I have been known to bemoan to my siblings about the extra planning and scheming it takes to really stick to keeping these delicious and often sneaky ingredients out of my belly.  Many convenience foods contain common allergens, so making sure I have healthy snacks with me to provide energy throughout the day requires some planning.  (Plus finding a vegan, plant-based protein powder has been a HUGE, frustrating challenge!  Let me know if you have one you like!)

Choosing to eat this way also requires creativity.  I realized recently that I need to change my mindset a bit in this area.  I've been on-again, off-again with my devotion to cleaning up my diet, but have decided that with the spring energy of detoxing, I want to recommit seriously to supporting my body's needs and preferences.  So rather than complaining and feeling frustrated with having food sensitivities, I can approach it with a sense of creativity and curiosity and playfulness and adventure.  How can I make this dish that I love be more friendly for my body (aka dairy-free, gluten-free) and have it taste just as, if not more, delicious?  This is a quest and an adventure that I'm going to be exploring this season (and this year!) whilst sharing the results with you, in case this is a topic that resonates with you.  

So first up, a success of a new dish I am completely obsessed with!  I saw a friend eating this amazingly creamy and yummy looking breakfast out of a jar one day.  You mean something so decadent can be easily carried with you as you run out the door?!  Yes, yes it can!  The original recipe includes yogurt, so you dairy eaters out there are welcome to include that back in.  What I love about this recipe is that it's super easy to make a big batch or put it in individual containers for a single serving to grab on the go.  You can play with a variety of flavors of fruit additions (frozen, dried, or fresh) as well as adding nuts, seeds, nut butters, or additional protein for a little extra oooomph!  My favorite is just simply adding frozen raspberries, but go wild!

Give it a taste test and let me know what you think.  

Now over to you!  Do you have food sensitivities or food allergies?  How do you feel when you avoid eating these things?  If you have any gluten-free, dairy-free recipes you just love, let me know… I'll include them in my quest for creativity in cooking!  

Sisterhood in Breath

Image: Sisterhood of the Divine Feminine by Lila Violet

Image: Sisterhood of the Divine Feminine by Lila Violet

I found myself again
in a familiar cozy room
surrounded by a huge group of women
each taking time
to go inward
to let go of what brings fear
to call in our greatness and our desires
unique intentions for each
and yet, the same, as they resonated deep
for me, releasing scarcity and unworthiness
filling up with abundance of self love

in what felt like a sacred slumber party
yoga blankets and pillows
lying on our backs in a soft dark room
we began to breathe together
belly, heart, open mouth
as one
holding each other up in rhythm and support
belly, heart, open mouth

feeling a block of energy
a tightness, a tension
rise from my root
through my second chakra
belly, heart, open mouth
solar plexus and torso
up to the heart center
belly, heart, open mouth
"just breathe"
throat and jaw
"I surrender, please move through me"
forehead and 6th chakra
belly, heart, open mouth
I could feel the center of my intuition open
tears slipped out 
for all the times I felt weird or hid my light out of fear

and with a yell, I broke free
tightness and tension dissolved
to the pure energy of my power, brilliance, and true self
surging through my body from head to toe
I am here
hands and heart open to receive 
this is me when I allow myself to be
I am choosing to give myself permission to take up glorious space in this life
joy, pure joy and warm bliss
for finally allowing and claiming my birthright

then, hearing another sister's yell in the room
I felt the urge to join her
and continued to shout, scream, rumble
as grief, pain, fear, shame, guilt
for all women
swept through my body

for my grandma
for my mom
for my sister
for my aunts, cousins, friends
for my ancestors who came before me
for women in other countries
who I don't even know
but in that moment
felt connected like blood family

and I sobbed
I wept
for the violence, oppression, rape, devaluing
for the times we've made ourselves small or felt unimportant
for the times when we have hated our bodies and distrusted our wisdom

and then I felt Mother Earth beneath me
my roots became her roots
and I cried for all the ways we've ravaged her
when all she does is rise to meet us
with stability and beauty and grace

but this story isn't all about pain
after purging all that
grief, pain, fear, shame, guilt
I began to sing
first from my heart
one long light note
and then from my womb
one deep tone vibrating in my feminine center
and finally, as soft and sweet as a bird
as we broke free
belly, heart, open mouth

lying in quiet savasana
returing to normal breathing
present in my beautiful  body
I heard a voice when I asked what I can do to serve?
"Just heal yourself, Helen.
Not because you are broken.
But because you are whole."

in that moment
feeling the women of the world
linked arm in arm
my ancestors and a wise woman at my back
brave, breathing women around me in the room
I saw the abundance of Pachumama 
in a big solid tree with roots that run deep
in a wave of the ocean
shimmering in a multicolored rich sunset
in a leaping fire dancing with me next to it
moving my body in the rhythm of my own wild, fiery spirit
with no inhibitions or self consciousness
only a deep love for all beings and sweet sensuality for being alive

realizing we are all connected
we are all one
WE are the WHOLE
and I can be a voice for the whole
I will scream for you
wail for you
sing for you

and for me

as we break free

She is the Moon

The light of the moon ebbs and flows.
— Alana Fairchild
Image artist: Rassouli - Journey of Love cards

Image artist: Rassouli - Journey of Love cards

The more I pay attention to the cycles of the moon and the cycles in myself, I am starting to notice how subtly they exist in me.  The past couple of days this week, and very strongly today, I have been feeling… hmmmm…. "sensitive" is perhaps the right word.  More lonely, more apathetic, more tired.  Rather than exercising, my body feels like snuggling.  Rather than engaging in social media and responding to emails, I feel like being quiet, hidden, and mysterious.  Instead of wanting to go out and be around lots of people (which my extroverted nature usually enjoys), I feel like staying home or walking with the puppy amongst the trees.  In the past, I would start to judge myself by thinking, "what is WRONG with me???" as I would try to push myself through with extra doses of caffeine and shameful guilting in the tone of "pull yourself together, giiiirl!"  I could feel that impulse in myself even today as I looked at a long to-do list and felt the strongest of urges to just crawl in bed with a book.  

Over the past several months, since starting my healing practice, I’ve noticed this trend that there’s a time each month where I don’t feel like being public or being seen.  At first I thought it was just apathy towards my business and frustrated urges to just throw in the towel.  But now I can see the connection that this time usually arises near the new moon and is a very normal and valuable part of the feminine cycle of energy.  And so rather than pushing myself or "whipping the race horse" into action, today I consciously softened the wall I could feel myself building and allowed my feelings to have the space to just be.  Tired.  Sad.  Frustrated.  Thankful.  Sleepy.  Fearful.  Deep love.  Surprised joy.  Soft around the edges.  Inward.  Contemplative.  Slow.  And actually, lo and behold!  I still got the things done that needed to be done and I feel better.  Lighter.  Honored.  Respected.  Loved.  Because I listened to myself.  

The wisdom of patience is that of the gardener who consults the lunar calendar - the right timing promoting growth, planting when there is fertile soil and allowing the soil to rest and replenish when it needs to.
— Alana Fairchild

This Friday, March 20th, is a super new moon, solar eclipse, spring equinox all wrapped up in one (no wonder I’ve been feeling exhausted!).  As we start to shed our layers of clothing with the longer days and the warmer weather of the season's change, our bodies also begin to let go of the extra insulation we may have held onto over the cold, hibernating months.  If you've been feeling the need to do a detox in some part of your life, the earth's energy is supporting you in that right now.  It's time to do some spring cleaning and the new moon is inviting us to go inward to see what inner layers we are ready to shed.  When the moon is dark in the sky, we can follow her example by allowing ourselves quiet time to retreat, reflect, rest, reset.  To center, contemplate, clear.  To honor ourselves; honor where we’ve come from and all that we’ve accomplished while honoring where we want to go and the intentions we hold dear.

I invite you to take a few quiet moments to yourself and join me in going inward (it feels really good to honor, respect, and love yourself in this way).  Maybe light a candle.  Perhaps have your journal handy.  Share with a  dear friend if you feel called.  Taking a couple deep breaths and placing a hand gently on your heart.  Closing your eyes if that feels good.  Ask your inner wisdom:

  • What thought pattern, idea, habit, relationship, or emotion am I ready to clean out and let go of because it is holding me back from living to my greatest potential?
  • What would I like to see change or manifest this spring that will bring more balance and joy to my life?
  • In what ways can I honor or bring more awareness to my cycles and rhythms? 
  • How can I love myself more each day in this new season? 

And then listen softly as the answers come to you.  Maybe they'll float up as images.  Maybe they'll be clear as day as words or thoughts.  You will know what is right for you.

This Spring Equinox Super New Moon, I send gratitude to the beauteous, mysterious, and wise moon - who is guiding me into deeper, more intimate relationship with my body and my feminine self.  I also send gratitude to you… my community here.  Thank you for being my witness along my healing journey.