Witness the Contrast

I’m back from the desert full of inspiration, discoveries, and a heart so big with love for the community of new friends who I met on retreat. I’ll be sharing bits and pieces of that experience as I move further into this “yawning” period of coming out of my winter/spring cocoon. I was reminded by how much COMMUNITY is so important for our well-being and healing and living a vibrant life. And I’m really grateful for this little community right here. Thank you for being here to witness my heart and hear my stories!

One of the things I’ve found surprising about the desert is the contrast. At first glance you see the sharpness of the cacti, the hardness of the rocks, the dryness of the soil. When I looked closer, I spotted the softness of the bunnies and the flower petals, the lightness of the bees and butterflies, and the wetness of my own body fluids (sweat and tears! 😂).

In those moments of witnessing contrast, I was able to hold space for all the dimensions of myself in one breath.

This is much like the full moon. While we get to gaze at the beauty of her bright, full light, there’s also a whole other side to her that’s washed in shadow. There’s a part that we don’t see with our eyes that’s still present in each moment.

My full moon wish for you is to witness the contrast. To see the grey area. To feel the shadow and the brightness. To allow the clear clarity of knowing exactly what you want and who you are while also giving space for the unknown magic of mystery. To know that you can be “this” AND “that” at the same time, in the same moment, even when it feels like opposites.

Like nature, you are a multi-faceted being with cycles, rhythms, heartbeats, pulses, and breaths. Here’s to you. ALL of you.

Give Yourself Time

Hello from Joshua Tree, CA! I booked a desert healing retreat for myself with fellow breathwork practitioner Erin Telford and I’m currently sitting in a hip, little coffeeshop/restaurant getting all my work done so I can really dive in and be present the rest of the weekend.

I have to admit: I’m a little nervous! I don’t know if I’ll know anyone on retreat and that feels a little out of my comfort zone. But I know that I need this and I’m sure I’ll come out the other side feeling refreshed and inspired.

I’ll be walking through the fire this weekend! {{And by that I mean I’m pushing myself out of my comfort zone, gently breathing into the tender places ready to be seen, connecting to the earth, tapping into community support, and being open to all else that will help marinate me as I’m in my spring cocoon.}}

Speaking of cocoon’s, I’ve been thinking a lot about transitions as I’m finding myself in one and I’m leaning into the lessons it’s giving me.

One method of acting and creating original theatrical work that I studied at one time in my life would emphasize THE TRANSITIONS. The space IN BETWEEN point A and point B. The juicy, human, relatable stories are the spots right in the middle of the start and the finish.

As actors (and I think also as humans), we always wanted to rush from action to action to action. It felt good to be “busy” on stage because that felt like we were “interesting”. On the contrary, the audience doesn’t get pulled in or can’t FEEL for and with the character when we rush through those moments of indecision, self doubt, confusion, conviction, discovery, decision, insight, reflection, etc etc etc and the array of emotional responses we have before and/or after an event/action.

The STORY is in the transitions.

The GOLD is found in transition. Give yourself the gift of being present in the in-between. Allow some space between the busyness to feel where you are before beginning again. It might feel uncomfortable - growing pains are a sign of the change that’s coming.

Here’s to your metamorphosis, radiant being. Give yourself time.

(Talk to you on the other side of retreat!) xo!

The Soft Animal of Your Body

{Image from bellagracemagazine.com}

With the passing of Mary Oliver earlier this year, I loved seeing all the posts sharing her body of work. There were so many favorites I was reminded of that just speak to my soul, but one that has stayed with me over the past several months is this one:

“You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.”
-Mary Oliver, “Wild Geese”

While the whole piece is exquisite even beyond that excerpt from above, the line that keeps playing over and over in my heart and mind is:

…the soft animal of your body…

I just love this so much!

I once trained with a physical theatre company who’s methodology was all about letting the body of the actor move and feel and react in the instinctive way we would if we weren’t so… for lack of a better word… “civilized”. To allow the physics of our body and the gravity of our world be the guide. To allow our animal roots and instinctive reactions come out to play. So when we are angry, we allow the body to pulse and feel the fire of energy radiate from the inside out. When we feel grief, we allow the well of sadness to overflow from each cell so that it is palpable to an audience. When we feel ecstatic joy, we allow the body’s shape and form to be just as expansive and electric.

Training in this form of art-making was very healing as it gave permission for the body to communicate the way it does best, which is not through words necessarily, but through feelings, images, expression, energy.

It provided a structure and an understanding of it being okay and normal and actually quite NATURAL for the body to be messy and complicated and soft and instinctive and evolving with desires, needs, wants, cravings, yearnings.

We are come into the world being that way and we are trained to hone it in and tone it down.

And I think this is one reason why I love breathwork so much. In the sacred container of breathwork, we give the mind a job to do (breathe) so that the body can communicate in the way it does best (feelings, images, expression, energy). With the movement of our oxygen, we have movement of our emotions and energy. With the permission to express, we have the safe space to make noise, to yell, to shout, to moan, groan, wail, sob, laugh, and give the warrior cry that is being held in our cells while we are being “civilized”. With the power and invitation of our breath, we let our bodies be soft and the animal that it is, without judgement, limitations, or the perfect box it’s “supposed to” fit in.

So if you’ve breathed with me recently or if you join me for breathwork sometime in the next several months, you may hear me use this phrase!

Of course, breathwork isn’t the only way to allow the soft animal of your body some space for healing, if that modality doesn’t resonate for you. You can dance it out, shake your body, break things, pelt a pillow, bash a kickboxing bag, belt at the top of your voice in your car or your shower, have sex, make art, play in the dirt, break a sweat doing some sort of physical exertion to help move that energy through your body, giggle or laugh hysterically, move through a yoga flow, walk in nature, etc etc etc, trust that you will know what you need to give yourself!

Most importantly, just L I S T E N to your body.

No matter how silly or un-logical or strange or quiet or simple the request, can you give your body what it loves even just for a moment?

This springtime full moon, as we continue to awaken and rebirth and get messy through the growing phases of the season, my wish for you is to honor the fullness of yourSELF. The fullness of your spirit. To honor the whole spectrum of emotions that you feel as a human being in this physical form, no matter how big or small.

{image from @chaninicholas on instgram}

Happy Full Moon radiant being!

I Gave Myself A Timeout

I got caught in the “Comparison Trap” on Tuesday after spending a significant time scrolling through social media. Can you relate?

For the most part, I find instagram and facebook to be amazing tools of connection and expression, creativity and community. I know the point of many of the posts from people is to inspire and lift me up, but I found myself comparing so-in-so’s success, outreach, images, message, tech capabilities, offerings, etc etc etc to my own, which rather than firing me up to take action, put me in a state of overwhelm and analysis paralysis.

Ugh.

Not the most productive or kind way to spend an afternoon! After doing a little inquiry as to why my energy was so low and why I felt totally unmotivated or inspired to write/create/be excited about possibility!, I realized it was the numbing out, scrolling habit of that little screen in my hands that was enabling my victim-mode procrastination.

So I put myself in a time-out on Wednesday.

And it was EXACTLY what I needed. I share this because (in case you too need a self-imposed time-out! ha!):

That is the beauty of the waning moon season!

It’s an invitation to do a little inquiry into the systems, habits, mindsets, routines, relationships, patterns that we are into (almost on autopilot mode) and see what’s actually working for us and our highest good and what is not.

And then like the moon, which is shedding it’s light little by little, we are invited to try something else, let go of a “certain way of doing things”, clear some space in our mind and our being and our environment so that we are ready to have some new beginnings with the new moon.

A little point to ponder for yourself: where are you needing to mix things up? What feels out of alignment? Where have you gotten away from yourself? How can you release or make a change for yourself with this coming new moon?

For me, I’ve put up screen time boundaries on my phone and I’m loving waking up to a phone with no email and social media notifications right at my bedside. Spacious mornings are an important shift for me this spring.

P.S.
Last year’s Spring Vision Boarding got snowed out (in April!!!) when we had a big snowstorm, so I hope I’m not jinxing MN by hosting another on (lol). If you feel like getting crafty, dreamy, and visiony (not a word, but fun to say), join me on Sunday, April 14th at Stockheart in Mpls - deets below!