March Forth: #onward

In honor of March 4th (march forth!), a post about how I'm moving #onward:

Confession: I took about two months off from working out in November and December because I couldn't afford my gym membership.  Quitting my fulltime job while trying to get my business off the ground brought a period of time where funds were lacking.  It's embarrassing for me to admit that, especially as a health coach in the healing arts, because I find it ESSENTIAL that I walk my talk.  But I told myself in writing this blog post that I'm all about holding space for exactly how we are right now… perfectly imperfect…. and that includes me too.  So I’m showing up real and honest here.

When I returned from my hiatus in mid-January, I had lost a LOT of my strength that I had steadily built up over the past year.  So much loss that even a deload week felt super difficult.  Like I had to start all over at the beginning.  Initially, this made me frustrated, angry, and disappointed with myself.  My trainer and my man both comforted me with the encouragement that I will build back up to where I was in no time and move beyond my last threshold because I know now what's possible.

As I have returned to religiously getting in my workouts each week (makin' exercise a non-negotiable in my schedy, yo!), I realize the lesson in this experience and that it’s still okay to feel frustrated about it.  I didn't lose my love of lifting.  I didn't forget my form.  I didn't lose my confidence of stepping into the male-dominated weight room (something I had to build up when I first started out).  I didn't even pack on the pounds and gain all the weight back that I had lost.  When I first got into working out on a specific lifting program, I was almost obsessive about it.  Not wanting to ever miss one day on my program, even when on vacation or traveling!  I think this was imperative for me, in the beginning, in order to create exercise habits that have become natural in my lifestyle.

 And here's the thing!  The lesson I've learned!  Exercise and lifting weights will always be a huge and important part of my life.  I decided a long time ago that I love myself and my body so much that moving it is something I'm dedicating to for a LIFETIME.  Lifting weights and moving my body til I'm old, wise, and grey.  So, I missed some workouts.  A few blips, dips, and slow periods in my relationship with Gym (read about this in a previous post here if you missed it!).  Rather than beating myself up over the fact that I had a few months off, I can acknowledge how that felt to be stagnant and then move onward.  Brush myself off after falling off the wagon (with gentleness and tenderness rather than self-critical judgment and guilt) and jump right back on with new vigor and enthusiasm.  Cause I'm in it for the long haul.  For life.

There may be other periods of my life where this might happen again…. where I'll need to take a break from the regularly scheduled program.  And I can allow that to happen with understanding and ease rather than shame and guilt, knowing that, in my timing, I will be ready to march forth.  

Point to ponder: what healthy habit have you taken a hiatus from in your life that you are ready to re-instate as routine?  It happens to the best of us (and even to us coaches!), but doesn't mean we have to give it up forever.  In what ways are you ready to pick up where you left off?  Onward brilliant ones!

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To the Tender Hearts

We are stardust.  We are golden. 

Lying on my back
In the dark, soft candle-lit space
Sandwiched between two yoga blankets
Held in support by the others lying in the room with me
Guided by a heart-centered healer
I breathed

First into the belly
The second chakra
The place where emotions and relationships and lost, almost forgotten, memories are held

Then second into the heart
Center of love
Center of compassion
Center of light

And then lastly out my mouth
Released
Let go
Returned to the Earth and to Source
To be re-used, transformed, healed

Belly, heart, open mouth
Again and again
Over and over
Through the awkward stage of dry mouth in the beginning breaths
And through anxiety that's telling me it's impossible to breathe this fast
this deep
for this long

But as I relaxed my body
And surrendered to the moment
Surrendered to the breath
Surrendered to the feelings in my body wanting to bubble out
Surrendered to Mama Earth who was rising to meet and support my back
The movement of energy began to flow

First in waves of anger
Long time held
Distant
Ancient anger
Coming out in a yell that had been suppressed for years

Then sadness, sorrow, grief
Rising up from my legs, torso, chest
Emerging from my breath in sobs, wails, tears

And with surprise
Laughter!
Hysterical bouts of giggles, belly laughs, joyful chuckles
Released freely, loudly, openly
As if to remind me
"Healing ain't got to be soooo serious!"

Back to the breath
Belly, heart, mouth
Hearing the person next to me
Holding the rhythm, the beat
While I take a moment to express
Before returning back to the breath
Belly, heart, mouth
Belly, heart, mouth
Belly, heart, mouth

And as the energy moved through my body
Touching on places of pain and joy
Blocks and openness
I came to a resting place in my heart
My tender heart
My deep and passionate feeling heart
The heart I protect
The heart I give from
The heart that holds so much

And in this space of primal, raw, humanness
I realized how hard life can be when you have a tender heart
When you feel all the feels
(Or avoid feeling all the feels)
And how important it is for us
To honor and hold and express
In order to not harden our tender hearts
Or hide them away from this hard
Beautiful, messy, difficult life
We need self care, soul care
Self love, soul love
And permission and sacred space
To go deep
Or just be
Present with our tender hearts
In connected solitude
Community and tribe



My wish to you on this Valentines, tender-hearted ones
On this day of LOVE
Is for you to bathe your amazing heart
With the light from raw, primal, beautiful humanness
I love you to the moon and back
From my tender heart to yours
xo!

*If you are in the NYC/Brooklyn area, check out Breathwork Workshops at maharose.com and with Erin Telford at radiantheartacupuncture.com.  It is an incredible and amazing healing modality.  

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Positive Peer Pressure

It seems that whenever I'm considering a new lifestyle habit or contemplating a new theory or mindset, it shows up everywhere around me, including and especially my inbox.  When I was thinking about going raw vegan to cure my diabetes, resources in the form of books and blogs and others doing the same seemed to fall into my lap.  When I decided to devote time and attention to my finances and healing my relationship with money and self worth (another blog post on it's way), it seemed as if all the gurus I follow were promoting the same thing.  I suppose you could call it what Pam Grout of the book *E-Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality* calls her Volkswagen Jetta Principle…. because I was putting my attention on those specific topics, they started to appear to me, even though they were already there before I focused on them.  She gives the example in her book (an awesome, easy, entertaining read by the way) that when you are thinking of buying a new Volkswagen Jettta you start to see them EVERYWHERE!   

"What shows up in our lives is a direct reflection of our inner thoughts and emotions."  -Pam Grout

I love this phenomenon and consider it a positive form of peer pressure.  "Oh look at all these people getting into the same stuff I am!  The camaraderie!  The support!"

Now, I'm not a fan of forcing something to fit your life just because "everyone else is doing it".  There is no one diet fits all or one exercise regime that works for everyone.  Not every style of fashion works for all bodies.  Heck, what works for you one week, might not the next, depending on where you are in your energy cycles and the season of the year.  Same goes here, in my opinion.  So what I AM a fan of is taking this inspiration from our peers and our environment and exploring how it might inspire some healthy and exciting change and growth.  Using the information and momentum from the crowd to learn more about ourselves and develop an even more loving and intimate relationship with our inner wisdom and our bodies.  

So, here's what's been coming up for me….. within the last week SEVERAL people… from friends to online bloggers I adore… have talked about morning routines and how they're structuring their rituals.  Here's a typical synopsis of mine:  
*alarm*hit snooze*drift off* second alarm* hit snooze*drift off* third alarm* streeeeeeetch*eyes open* check email*scroll through Facebook*finally get out of bed to find coffee that I drink as I zone out on instagram*breakfast*write in desire map planner….

The minute I open my eyes, I'm diving into other's lives on social media, instead of diving into the inward, deep, soulful places of myself that I just traveled during sleep.  Already, I am getting trapped in the time-suck procrastinating comparison-inducing activities of the inter webs before I even leave my bed.  Don't get me wrong, I love me some Insta action.  But is this really the best way to start my day??

According to my current positive peer pressure, no.  The lovelies I've been reading and talking to have started setting aside one…two…three hours for just themselves before they dive into emails and social media.  This time may be for journaling, meditating, walking, yoga-ing, writing, or just sitting with whatever emotions are coming up that day.  Time for whatever feels important and necessary to start the day in a grounded, more soulful place.  A time for focused action or a time for quiet reflection.

So I am trying this new lifestyle habit on for size to see how it fits me.  I feel I have so much creativity inside that I haven't fully devoted time to ME to let it flow out.  Setting time specifically for that tells the Universe and my muse that I'm serious and I mean business.  Today, I started this new choice.  And LET ME TELL YOU!  It was HARD.  I realized what a habit it is for me to pick up my phone and check out mindlessly while I'm sipping my coffee.  It was almost as if the action of picking up my mug was deeply connected to the scrolling on my phone.  I find it a little sad how dependent I've become on those habits, but I am excited to find out what shifts when I change them.  I shall keep you updated!

My desk transformation:  the one on the right was a gift from my amazing roommates and the place where I shall be spending my morning time writing.

Now over to you: are there topics of conversation that keep coming up in your awareness?  What sorts of changes or positive impact are the peers around you inspiring?  What are your morning rituals like and are they serving you well?  Or maybe do they need a little revamping?

Honoring The Masculine

As I was falling asleep last night, constructing a very different blog post than the one you are currently reading, this thought popped into my head: "but what about the men??"….Which got me thinking in a totally opposite direction.  Now, I don't know what portion of my readership is represented by the masculine part of the population, but I know there are a few out there.  (Hello Men!  So happy you are here!)  I am aware that I talk a lot about feminine energy, the moon, women circles, and lady issues.  This is because it is the soul path I am on right now…the path to reclaiming and creating a more intimate relationship to my divine wild feminine being.  If you were to ask me who my target market is in my healing practice, women are the overriding gender.  

But I still love my men too.

So, in case there was any question, this post is to let the men know that I haven't forgotten about you.

There's some negative connotations to using the word "feminist" (and as you probably know by now, I proudly consider myself a feminist).  I'm not a bra-burning (I actually adore wearing a bra!), man-basher.  While I am against the oppression of hierarchical patriarchy and devaluing the feminine (a topic for another post!), I value and respect masculine energy and spirituality.  I believe each of us has the beautiful capacity to hold a balance of masculine and feminine within our being.  

My work in the world may be geared towards women most of the time, but I am also here to love up and support men.  Whatever gender you identify with and whatever your predominant energy is, I am here to hold space for you.  We are in this together and we need each other if we want to heal the world.  

A long while ago, I read a beautiful piece on the healing power of the masculine by Danielle LaPorte that really moved me (read her full post here).  She says, "Fierce.  Proud.  Soft.  The Masculine needs all three elements to rise.  If the Masculine has confidence without tenderness, it can turn to arrogance.  And then there's no real invitation for The Feminine to show up.  And all softness with no fierceness, well that doesn't give The Feminine a very safe resting place to unfold - and what The Feminine really, really wants to do, is unfold."

I have been blessed with some fierce, proud, tender men in my life.  Some have come and gone.  Some are sticking around for a good long time.   I want to acknowledge that I wouldn't be where I am today or who I am today without my men and without a good dose of masculine energy.  I see you.  I honor you.  I remember you.  I am grateful for you.  I value your friendship, your kinship, your love, your insights, your gifts, your strength.  I hold space for your shadows, your emotions, your vulnerability, and your fears.  Thank you for the lessons you've taught me and the support you've given me.  By giving witness to your masculinity, it also creates space to honor my own masculine energy, which often gets the shaft.  So thank you also for that.  And thank you for the the resting place so that I may unfold.  

So to the men who have crossed my path during the journey and to those who I am yet to meet… I love you.  Here's to you!  I send you gratitude and light as you travel throughout the rivers of this life.  (And thank you for being here, even when I wax poetic about cycles, and moons, and woman-things!)