Wolf Wisdom (For the Full Wolf Moon)

Image repost from @goddess_rising)

Today, I attended a Dreamwork Workshop where I gathered with a few women to share dreams and interpretations, lessons, inspiration.  We meet once a month and today one of the women shared her experience of the New Years retreat.  The theme was *The Wolf You Feed* and today she brought with her copies of the story that inspired the theme of the retreat.  Considering it's a Full Wolf Moon this month, I thought it appropriate to share.  You may have heard of this story before.

"One evening, an elderly Cherokee brave told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.  

He said, 'my son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.  One is evil.  It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.  

The other is good.  It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kinds, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. 

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: 

"Which wolf wins?…"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "the one you feed."

This part of the story, I had heard before with mixed feelings about it.  Powerful, yes.  But anger, evil??  Really?  Anger doesn't feel too hot when I'm experiencing it (actually, it feels REALLY hot, as my anger resembles fire… but I digress), but evil is such a strong word.  The story, however, continues and actually ends a different way:

"The old Cherokee simply replied, "if you feed them right, they both win.  You see, if I only choose to feed the white wolf, the black one will be hiding around every corner waiting for me to become distracted or weak and jump to get the attention he craves.  He will always be angry and always fight the white wolf.  But if I acknowledge him, he is happy and the white wolf is happy and we all win.  For the black wolf has many qualities - tenacity, courage, fearlessness, strong-willed, and great strategic thinking - that I have need of at times and that the white wolf lacks.  But the white wolf has compassion, caring, strength, and the ability to recognize what is in the best interest of all.

You see, son, the white wolf needs the black wolf at his side.  To feed only one would starve the other and they will become uncontrollable.  To feed and care for both means they will serve you well and do nothing that is not a part of something greater, something good, something of life.  Feed them both and there will be no more internal struggle for your attention.  And when there is no battle inside, you can listen to the voices of deeper knowing that will guide you in choosing what is right in every circumstance.  Peace, my son, is the Cherokee mission in life.  A man or a woman who has peace inside has everything.  A man or a woman who is pulled apart by the war inside him or her has nothing.

How you choose to interact with the opposing forces within you will determine your life.  Starve one or the other or guide them both." -Cherokee Story

Now this sounds inspiring to me.  I can use my feelings to fuel my growth and transformation and healing.  Or I can allow them to sabotage or block or get in my own way.  The anger I'm feeling can blind me to rage… or I can use it as a flag of my inner truth trying to get my attention: "huh, I'm feeling angry right now… what is causing this fire?  Where do I feel unfairly treated or not listened to or where does action need to happen to change this situation causing me frustration?"  Emotions themselves are not "good" or "bad".  Emotions are energy in motion that can be used as tools to create an intimate and honest relationship with ourselves, as long as they are allowed to do what they do best… be in motion.  

So let it flow!  Breathe, feel, allow.  Reflect.  Cry, scream, yell, giggle, dance it out, write it down.  Rather than starve your body from feeling your emotions by stuffing them down or numbing out, guide them.  Listen to them.  And THEN let them go, if they no longer serve you.  

Point to ponder:  What feelings to you tend to avoid feeling?  How might you support all aspects of your multidimensional human self?  What are some tools you can use to develop a healthy relationship with your emotions?

Kayaking Lessons

I stepped from the soft sandy shore into the deep blue kayak on a brisk sunny Sunday morning with the bottoms of my pants rolled up to my knees to prevent the wet and layers of fleecy long sleeved wear as insulation under the snug life jacket giving me a bear hug of reassurance.  As I lowered myself down, wiggled into my seat, prepped my oar, and braced my legs into the footholds, I took a few deep breaths.  My phone and insulin pump were tucked into plastic zipblock bags for protection, but I said a little prayer to my guardian angels that I wouldn't flip over in the water and put those plastic shields through the test of waterproof-ness.  With a quick shove from my teacher guide behind me, I found myself suddenly floating out into the water.

At first, the kayak felt a little shaky, like a toddler learning to use unsteady legs, as I tried to find center, realizing I was holding my breath.  In order to hold my kayak from wobbling to and fro, I braced my core and didn't dare look to the left, right, or behind me to watch the rest of the fleet of multi-colored kayaks enter the water.  But even with my eyes straight ahead as I delicately dipped each end of the paddle carefully into the water to propel me onward, I began to take in the beauty around me… the clear glass water with barely a ripple or wave… the quiet solitude of the air except for the simple splash sound of the paddle…. the blue sky with wisps of cotton ball clouds… the banks covered in towering trees who's leaves had a subtle hint of the change of color yet to come… and eventually, the backs of the other adventurers paddling ahead of me downstream.  

As the cool October breeze lightly kissed my cheeks and the sun sparkled down onto the magical twinkling water of the river, the beauty of the scenery over-road my sense of fear of being that low in the water.  My photographer artist self knew if I didn't take a photo and try to capture the moment right then, I wouldn't be able to relax until I did!  (A gal has to get a great instagram shot, right?!)  So with an inhale, I slowly let my paddle rest on the kayak, I gently and slowly reached into my zippered pocket of my fleece vest under my life jacket, and I pulled out my phone to snap some pictures.  After gingerly turning to get a shot of my mom, the river, and the sky, I slipped it back into the zipblock, then into my pocket, zipping it up for safe keeping.  Exhale!  I did it!  And with new vigor and confidence, I paddled forward with more relaxation, contentment, and an ease to enjoy the present moment.  

Over the course of the river journey, being in the kayak got me thinking about the metaphor to life.  When setting out to try or start something new, there's some fear.  There's some shakiness.  Some unsteady sensations.  In my case, in moving back to my roots after a few years of being away, there's a little apprehension.  A little bit unsure if a gal is going to find her tribe again.  Some fear of getting started in a new place.

But just like learning to walk with putting one foot in front of the other… putting one side of the paddle into the water… and then the other… one day at a time... you find yourself moving forward.  Sometimes you splash some cold water on your legs.  Sometimes you start to veer off course to one side and have to correct your direction.  Sometimes you bump into another boat (which ends up helping you push off it for some momentum).  And sometimes you have to stop paddling because you need to rest your arms.  And that's when you can practice FLOATING.  Letting the river herself carry you for awhile until you're ready to pick up where you left off.  

Just make sure to remind yourself to breathe. #onward!

Point to ponder: When was a time that you were afraid to do something but did it anyway?  How did you feel before, during, and after?  How did you handle the situation and what did you learn from the experience?  

Reflections on the Table

One of the most beautiful things I've seen in this world has been when I get to witness a person on the massage table during a healing session. Whether their head is in my reiki-ing hands, I'm feeling and clearing their chakra energy with esoteric healing, or I’m holding space for the emotions to move through their body with breathwork (or a combo of all three), it always has me bowing down in awe to the beauty of the human body and spirit. Recently, I had the opportunity to be on the other side, to be in the other role, as my body was calling out to get some reiki from one of my healer friends. I was the one to climb up on the table to receive this time. And I was surprised by how hard it was! 

Healing treatment room at Maha Rose Center for Healing in Greenpoint, Brooklyn.

If you've ever experienced a session before, you know what it feels like to be vulnerable and laid bare so to speak in another’s hands. It takes courage, bravery, and trust. It takes a willingness to let the walls down, take off the mask, and be seen exactly as we are in that moment. I know for me this can be hard when the rest of the time I'm running around trying to look like I've got all my shit together. Trying to seem strong and in control of what life is delivering to me.  At the beginning of the session that day, I found myself bracing my muscles as if to try to hold my own self up, rather than letting my weight sink into the massage table and be supported.  It took a conscious effort for me to relax each muscle, to take deep breaths, and to just.... BE.  To receive.  

 And what I realized as I climbed onto that table: there is a quiet kind of strength needed in order to soften and open and receive, whether it be as simple as accepting a compliment or gesture of kindness. Whether it's a physical gift or an offer for help and assistance. Whether it's a healing session, bodywork, coaching, or intuitive guidance. It takes an inner strength to allow ourselves to be on the other end of "the giving".

And I had to ask myself, why then do we do it??  Why do *I* in particular have a business that asks people to receive when it's also a challenge for us to do sometimes?   It took me some time to contemplate this question.

And my reflection: because the body loves it. The body CRAVES it. Receiving brings balance to the yin and yang. The masculine and feminine. It creates reciprocity.  Flow.  Think the infinity symbol: what flows out also flows back to us.  When we finally stop fighting or resisting and sink into the glory of receiving, it feels SO GOOD. In a healing session, the nervous system relaxes and the body has a chance to restore and heal. Accepting the compliment expands our joy and appreciation for ourselves. Getting help from a friend leaves us feeling supported, connected, loved. And then the effects of that acupuncture, birthday gift, hand written note in the mail, random bouquet of flowers, ripples out in ways we probably don't even see!

And so glorious receivers, I am awed by you.  Inspired by you.  Encouraged by you.  I raise a toast to us all: may we continue to allow ourselves to receive with strength, courage, and vulnerability.

Point to Ponder: in what ways can you soften to receiving?  What are some of your favorite ways to receive?

Moon Lessons

A few months ago, I adopted my brother’s dog, Moon.  I never expected to be mommy to a doggie especially at this point in my life, as I always thought I was a cat person, but Moon has been a surprise and joy to my life.  He is teaching me many lessons about being present, trusting love, and play.

The latter one is what I’d like to explore today.  When I was researching his breed (we think he is part Catahoula, among other things), all the sources agreed that this breed needs AT LEAST an hour of VIGOROUS exercise everyday.  Wowza.  Living in a tiny New York/Brooklyn apartment, this is a tough one to accomplish.  Luckily, there is a dog run in a park about 15-20 minutes walk away. 

And what I’ve found going to the dog park almost everyday is that part of this vigorous exercise for Moon has to be social playtime.  He LOVES to play.  And even though he looks like a scary big dog, he plays well with almost EVERYONE!  Tiny dogs, big dogs, medium dogs….dogs who like to chase, dogs who like to wrestle, dogs who like to play tug-of-war with sticks.  He even does the rounds and give licks to the humans.  When he’s had his fill, his tongue is hanging out, tail wagging, and with a look that could be seen as a grin on his cute face. 

This is Moon's "stop working and play with me" look.  How can you resist such a cute face??

This got me thinking about us humans.  What if we were to schedule play into our lives like I schedule it in for Moon?  What if we were to get AN HOUR (or more) of play EVERY DAMN DAY?? 

And what is PLAY?  What would that look?  Do we hard working adults in a workaholic culture even know what play is anymore??  I keep saying I need more play in my life, but haven’t really implemented it yet, cause I’m not actually sure what “play” means to me now.  When I was younger it was arts and crafts, playing make believe, dressing up, running around outside with the neighbors.  Then eventually in high school and college, there was always something to read or homework to be done, but theatre became my playtime.  Entering the “real world” and starting a business, there’s ALWAYS some work to be done at every moment.  But as Moon has taught me, play is essential.  And that’s a piece that has been missing, so it’s time to schedule that in too.  Julia Cameron of the book The Artist’s Way suggests taking your inner child out on “artist dates” once a week.  This might be a great place to start!  Looking back to what we did as kids is also a great place for inspiration.  Is it digging in the dirt?  Is it reading fiction?  Going to a movie?  Playing with toys?  Creating something with your hands?  Going dancing or singing songs?  Nature walks or museum visits?  I don't know about you, but I think I'm going to use this last month of summer to really embrace my playful nature!

I’d love to hear from you: what is play for you?  What do you do for fun and how might you add more of it in your schedule?