Dreamscape

{image found on google images}

Dreams are odd
Mysterious
Intriguing
Swirling images
Distant places
Familiar faces
All gathered in one space
That seem to make sense
Only in the magical
Fantastical
Absurdity
Of sleep world
Dream land

My dad was in mine a few nights ago
A busy scene of extended family
Bustling around
As I sat next to him
And wanted everyone with a camera
To take a picture of us
Together
Just us two
Somehow knowing
Even in dreamland
That being together was to be savored
Treasured
Captured
Because as soon as I opened my eyes
He'd be gone
Disappear into the unseen spirit world

And then
As dreams do
Morphing
Swirling
Changing on a dime
He was holding and kissing my little sister
She was 5
And, strangely
Yet logically
 (as we were in dreamland remember)
I was me
An adult
Watching this tender moment
Between father and his littlest girl

And the adult me in this dream
Felt a pang in my heart
Of grief
Sadness
Longing
But I realized it wasn't grief for myself
Not my sadness for the knowing
Of how the missing hurts
I have released a lot of mine using the breath
It was sorrow and grief for my sister
Seeing her as such a precious
Little golden happy girl
And knowing
How she wouldn't have the memories
The experience
The story
Of having a dad around in physical form
To love her how little girls need to be loved

And just as quickly
The dream shifted again
Soon when I realized the chimes sounding
Were indeed NOT from my dream world
But from the alarm set on my phone
As I sleepily reached for the snooze
I pondered on this sometimes sneaky emotion of grief
The layers
The depth
How it pops up unannounced
When you least expect
Even in sleeping

Will one ever be through with grief?
Most likely not
Just as the leaves lose their leaves each fall
And the natural cycle of the world
Life, death, life, death
Continues the circle
In every aspect of a lifetime
There will be loss to grieve

But just so is the depth of my grief
Lies the opposite
In the immense capacity for joy
When both sides
Both cycles
are given space
To be felt
To be held
To be honored
To be healed

Breathwork for Healing
At Center for Remembering and Sharing
123 4th Ave 2 floor, NYC

Thursdays in July & Aug
*No circle July 30th
7:30-9:30
Exchange: $20