Goals in the Time of Covid

Earlier this month, someone mentioned to me that we made it to the half point of the year and how were my goals? And I thought, “who has goals right now?!” Mine have been sufficiently (or so I thought) thrown out the window as I’ve been navigating living in this moment in time with as much ease as I can despite the tremendous amount of stress our bodies, minds, hearts, nervous systems, spirits have been under.

Then I opened up my Moon Planner by Sarah Faith Gottesdiener a few days later on a glorious summer weekend and the reflection questions for end of June/beginning of July were prompting me to look back over the past several months and see what has transpired. Never having been able to predict how 2020 would unfold, I turned back to the beginning of my planner to the start of the year and looked over the goals (I actually like the word “intentions” better…) I had written for myself covering different aspects of my life.

And much to my surprise, some of the things I had written actually came to manifest, particularly in the category of service and helping the collective! Some things of course got lost in the chaos of the past several months, like I haven’t visited my grandma regularly, scheduled coffee dates with friends, nor have I committed myself to a movement routine that includes weights (hello gym being closed!), but it’s interesting to see that many of the things I value in creating a nurturing life have taken hold. And how cool is that?!

How about for you, friend? I often find the calendar year to be sort of an arbitrary way to track time compared to how much more I resonate with seasons and the lunar cycle, but it’s interesting to think about how we are halfway through 2020 and how have our perspectives, values, interests, mindsets changed? What’s stayed the same? What has taken hold as new habits? Where might we need to course correct? Where could we harness and focus more energy?

I often find it really easy to point out to myself all the places I need work. Let’s not forget to acknowledge the positive growth, the thriving, the successes!

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And also! I think it’s important to emphasize that it’s okay to NOT know. It’s okay to not have the answers or to not have goals. It’s okay to not be okay. We are living in a global pandemic and a global uprising after all.

I had a call with some of my breathwork colleagues today and it was actually a relief to hear others in similar boats to myself. That we are all just holding on (tightly or loosely) as we ride through the unknown together.

Sometimes I don’t know which way is up and where the hell am I going. Some days I know where my place is and what path I’m walking and some days I’m not exactly sure but feel like I’m still putting one foot in front of the other. I’m trying not to force anything and trying to discern what is a trauma response of freezing and what is actually me leaving space for inspiration/muse/Spirit to show up with the next right step.

I’m feeling some grief for folks (including myself) who have lost their physical spaces or their ability to do the work in person that they’ve worked so hard to build over the years. I’m also curious about the ways I (and we) are being asked to evolve and reinvent our work in ways that maybe feel more sustainable, accessible, less harmful, more aligned. I’m holding both the curiosity and the grief at the same time.

Art: @asjaboros

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So if you’re feeling that sense of limbo or stillness rather than “business as usual” or riding the waves of clarity and uncertainty or navigating the balance of doing and being, I see you. I’m with you.

Whether you’ve thrown your goals out the window or are still working towards them, I see you. I’m with you.

The beautiful thing is that we do have a set of tools at our table to choose from to help support us during these times, so now is a great time to dust some of those off or continue to lean on them. I’ll be doing that with you. Loving you bunches!

A Summer Serenade

Welcome summer season!

Summer arrived with the new moon on Saturday June 20th and I celebrated by being up north with my family. It was a much needed get-away and time spent in the gorgeous beauty of nature. I feel much more refreshed, focused, and grounded.

And I’m ready to get to summering.

Summering for me is a verb that encompasses playing, savoring, celebrating, enjoying, and the all around merriment that comes from sunshine, longer days, fresh fruits and vegetables, fireflies and butterflies, bright flowers, and sticking my feet in the grass.

In one of my favorite books, The Way of the Happy Woman, the author shares that summer is the element of fire, the heart and small intestine organs, the full moon cycle, and the focus is CELEBRATE ALL THAT IS LUSH, FULL, AND FLOURISHING IN YOUR LIFE.

While we are still living during a pandemic and we are still doing our anti-racist work every day and we are still working on the next layer of healing for ourselves, we can also curate our joy, pleasure, rest. Allowing ourselves these things will help us to keep showing up and summer is a ripe time for tending to our joyful hearts.

So my wish for you this summer season… my summer serenade if you will… is to find pockets of pleasure, moments in movement, nourishment from nature, and belonging to your body.

I’ll leave you with this snippet from Earth Speak’s podcast Episode 12 with Natalie Ross, which reminded me of how amazing our bodies are and how connected to the earth we are - enjoy:

“….I want to remind you that you are nature and your body is the earth. Literally your body is the soil grown into food that you’ve eaten and assimilated to create your form. Your body is the water of the earth. Your body is the air you breathe in every moment. Your body breaks down and digests and creates energy that was stored in plants that they received from the sun. You are the literal representation and embodiment of the elements and of the earth and of the sun. You are nature.

And that’s part of why body awareness is so big. Body awareness is such a powerful place to begin your intuitive journey because your body already knows and speaks the language of Nature. It has its own intelligence. I mean, do you sit there and conduct every little digestion and breakdown of every particle of food? Do you mentally sit there and conduct like a conductor of an orchestra every intake and outtake of your inhale and exhale of your breath? Are you sitting there conducting how your blood flows through your veins? No, these are all just your body’s intelligence and your body’s own knowledge and awareness of how to be a living body, in earth, in nature. And it’s not just a physical thing that your body knows, your body has the ability to sense energies. And you have an amazing whole lineage of thousands and thousands and thousands of generations worth of emotional evolution and intuitive evolution that you can draw upon that lives in your body…”

Check-In: with Heart + Body

How is your heart today?

I read a post yesterday that said rather than ask “how are you doing”, ask: “how have you been sleeping? What color is you heart today and why? What lies do you find yourself believing? What have you done just for you today? What thoughts have been circling in your brain today? What story are you telling yourself today?”

I like these reflection questions. I hope you can find a few minutes to take some breaths and do some self inquiry.

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For those who don’t follow me on the socials (or in case you missed it since info travels so fast there), I shared that I’ve been listening and learning to unpack my whiteness and my privilege privately for a long while, but that I haven’t talked about it much publicly out of fear that I’ll f*ck up and cause more harm by saying the wrong thing. As I’m unlearning my own inner racism, I’ll make mistakes, but that’s not a reason to not show up. That’s how we learn to DO BETTER.

I also wanted to make sure my posts were being posted as an authentic ally rather than a performative response, so I’m making sure that I’m doing actions to back up any posting I do.

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For my black, indigenous, people of color here in my community: I’m sorry it took me so long to say something here in my blog/newsletter. I’m sorry it took George Floyd’s life and the uprising of fires in our city for me to be more vocal.

To my white friends, I’ve been ingesting a lot of information and have been thinking about a couple of things in particular this week and I’d like to share two of them with you today. I’m not an anti-racist educator and I’m learning right along with you. I hope this share is helpful:

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The first being about the discomfort in making mistakes.

In fourth grade, I got my name written on the board (which for some reason was a bad thing - I don’t even remember now why that was) and I was MORTIFIED. I hated getting into trouble and I always tried to be a good, loving girl. As a recovering perfectionist, it’s still hard to make mistakes sometimes, but healing work can be messy. I share this not to center my experience and feelings as a white woman, but to acknowledge that this can be an internal obstacle if you resonate with this role too.

On the socials, I saw this post and it was a helpful to keep my ego in check:

As a theatre performer, I learned early on how to be teachable by directors. You’d get notes on your performance and, rather than take it personally, you’d adjust what you did on stage next time in order to create a more relatable, authentic, embodied performance about a character’s story. I know how to be teachable. I can carry this skill forward into work on unlearning on my own inner racism.

In participating in anti-racist work, we are going to get it wrong. We’re going to make mistakes. And we need to keep showing up to do better as we learn better. It’s a continual practice. Much like our own healing journeys and the unfolding of our life’s stories.

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The second thing I’d like to share is this idea that racism exists IN OUR BODIES. When the topic of conversation turns to race, what do you feel in your body? What physical reaction does your body have? Do you feel a little uncomfortable? Do you feel a constriction? Because we’ve been raised in systems of white supremacy that have been around for generations, as we begin to question and work towards dismantling systemic racism, those of us in white bodies might have an initial reaction that feels like our existence is threatened and at risk, even if intellectually we know otherwise.

Now, I’m just cracking the surface here in this area myself, but the reminder is to engage in practices that remind your nervous system that you are safe, begin to notice and name when we are having a trauma or fear response in our bodies, and begin making those changes to re-writing and re-wiring our systems so we can keep showing up in our practice of allyship.

One way I’m supporting myself through any discomfort or constriction in my body is through breathwork. Breathwork is a great tool to help me work through emotions and feelings of discomfort, guilt, overwhelm, shame, anger, grief, etc.

Here are two resources that I’ve also found helpful in understanding what’s going on in my body:

This IGTV by Prentis Hemphill on Street Somatics: Tips for Regulating Nervous Systems During Uprisings

https://www.instagram.com/p/CA3RW0uA8CW/

and this Embodied Antiracism: A Brief Somatic Guide for White People by Third Space Somatics:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CA3VFI0jpy6/?igshid=coislkqzst37

There are a lot of amazing resources out there to support this work and if you have recommendations, please send them my way!

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Circling back to the beginning of this love letter, how’s your heart today? What are your top three feelings today? How can I support you?

Death, Rebirth, and the Full Moon

Last night we had a full moon in Scorpio and woohoo wasn’t the moon a beaut the last couple nights?! And as you know, I like to send out newsletters a couple times a month around the moon phases, so earlier in the week I pulled a card on what myself and my community needed to hear: Death/Rebirth card reversed! The Death card is ruled by Scorpio, so how apropos.

This card is about transformation.

About endings and beginnings. A reminder that with each death comes rebirth. At the bottom of each exhale is the opportunity for a new inhale. My tarot teacher Lindsay Mack says “In the Death card, nothing dies. Things just change form.” And this is what we are going through right now, yes? Life as we once knew it is changing form.

In the reversal, the Death card is inviting inquiry around where we might be resisting this change.

Where are we feeling fear of change or needing the space to mourn the losses? Where are we attached to the past in a way that doesn’t allow us to see the potential possibilities? Where are we resisting our own transformation? Where are we needed to help change the systems and workings of our country so we are all taken care of?

”After decay, the ground is abundantly fertile.” - Chris-Anne Donnelly

I feel this myself. Recently, I read a post by Portia Richardson who wrote, “I don’t want to go back to the old mode of operation. I don’t know if my body will allow it.” I really feel that! When I pulled a card for myself, I got the 3 of pentacles reversed which feels like it’s asking me to do some reflection on my soul work right now. I know the way I’ve been working and living will need to transform moving forward, but I’m not yet sure what that looks like. I’m open to what that looks like, so I’ll let go of the expectations my mental brain has and be willing to sit in the unknown until clarity shows up.

And so here we are: living breathing moving changing through the uncomfortable unknown of the death rebirth death rebirth cycle. Thankfully we have the natural world around us to show us that it’s a totally normal process!

In case you’re needing support during this time of metamorphosis, I’m holding breathwork for the full moon tonight (Friday 5/8) virtually (with a recording for those who can’t make it live). It’s my favorite tool for times like these, so please join us if you feel called!

In the meantime, my full moon wish for you is time spent going inward to the depths of your heart, to release what’s ready to be let go of, and for the courage to take up space in your new way of being.